Looking around today I realized how alone I really am. I sat in my living room and read a book this morning, phone was silent, room was empty, and my only company was the book in my hands. Later I drove to see some friends but in the car i looked over and for the first time realized I was the only existing lifeform in this automobile, Every seat was empty, my phone was silent, and the music accompanied and diverted my thoughts.  When I saw my friends it was nice.  I didnt feel alone really but something was still off, as if their company couldnt provide me with what I truly wanted.  Even in a crowded room I felt alone, my phone was silent, and the familiarity of their chatter numbed the feeling momentarily. On the way home it hit me as I sat in the dark automobile.  I just wish I felt needed, not just existing. Giving everything I can to the world as a desperate attempt to feel like im worthy of something.  Im not that smart, Im not that good looking, im not confident, and Im just me, flawed. I know I can give however, but in a world of comsumers selfish motives drain me. My flaw is I give so much because I care and since a lot of people hurt me growing up maybe giving would cause people to love me. I was wrong, giving leaves you with a dull emptiness, taking that chance nothing will be returned. I have no ambitions in life. Im clueless, Im alone, and looking around my room I lie in bed looking over I see an empty space, my phone is silent, and these thoughts distract me from reality.

Everyone wants someone there to help them through the fire.  Someone who wont judge you and whose main concern is to see you smile.  It’s hard to find someone these days who isn’t self indulgent, has a god complex, or is with you for the right reasons. What I found in you is a blessing I never want to live without. What I’ve found in you is my best friend, a lover, and a caregiver. A man who finds the mind and ambitions of his partner to be sexy yet expresses how he finds you beautiful in everyway.  I am proud to be yours and I miss you terribly. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me a reason everyday to smile. As you jokingly put it, “We fit together like two beads in an asshole”

cnnbreaking:

responsibilities